


And The Masquerade

by MomoYoMaki



Series: Look into my eyes, it’s where my demons hide [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: AU, Aunt Peggy, Black Widow - Freeform, Black Widow training Bucky style, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky and his baby assassin squad, Bucky is mastering this stay at home dad thing, Canada in all it's chill glory, Gen, Peggy is a badass, Protective Bucky Barnes, SHIELD, SHIELDRA, There are so many girls to keep track of, This is basically a cozy filler, Timeline What Timeline, Tony only makes a brief appearance, What Have I Done, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, Wow think about that, because they deserve it, domesticity for the assassins, it actually turns kinda sweet, just ignore the knives, minor dissociative episode, no matter her age, seriously so brief, taking names as she does, thirteen girls under one roof, tiny Natasha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-26 17:54:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15006212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MomoYoMaki/pseuds/MomoYoMaki
Summary: Grocery shopping had become something of a big deal in their house, if only because each trip needed to be planned as if they were stockpiling to outlast a siege. It was an unavoidable side effect when your family consisted of thirteen overly active girls that burned through calories like pro athletes and one enhanced super soldier that went through the same amount all on his own."Papa, the price isn't going to change just because you're glaring at it." Natasha pointed out.





	And The Masquerade

**Author's Note:**

> At last, part two! This is dedicated to everyone who commented, left kudos, and bookmarked this series, you all encouraged me so much you have no idea.  
> Thank you to MentalGladiator as always for the beta, and I have this story with another friend currently. Hopefully she won't find anymore edits!

  
_I want to hide the truth_  
_I want to shelter you_  
_But with the beast inside_  
_There’s nowhere we can hide_

  
As time moved on, weeks bleeding into months, bleeding into a year, they settled. The old bed and breakfast become home, the girls became sisters, and Bucky became papa. They started to feel comfortable and with that comfort came the dark things.  
Nadja couldn’t sleep without a nightlight anymore, Jeketarina needed to be told “see you in the morning” before bed or she was convinced she’d wake up alone, Evgenia lost her ability to speak when faced with blood, and Bucky... Bucky started to remember.  
Natasha saw him pause for a moment in the kitchen, staring at the old fashioned kettle they’d bought the week before.  
“I used to have one of these...” He muttered.  
Natasha had a weird moment where she tried to figure out when he'd have had time to make tea in between his assassination missions as the Winter Soldier and then felt profoundly stupid.  
She sat down the book she was reading at the kitchen island. (The Hobbit, which she’d stollen from Bucky.) “Oh. In America?”  
“New York.” Bucky supplied and then tilted his head thoughtfully. “Brooklyn...”  
Up to this point he’d only remembered general facts, like his name, birth month, and home country. Also a string of numbers that meant nothing to either of them, but was probably military. (Bucky kept putting off pulling that thread.)  
Olga, Raisa, and Tatiana, were at the dinner table a few feet away creating something lopsided out of paper, but not paying any attention to the conversation around them. Not that it meant anything, because she was pretty sure she’d seen Nina hiding in the cupboard by the sink again with her hidden stash of snacks. In this house you kind of had to assume that someone was always listening in.  
“Did you use it for tea or coffee?” Natasha asked. She was learning to prod with gentle questions when Bucky remembered something, because that sometimes triggered more memories.  
“Both.” Bucky said thoughtfully and started buttering his toast again. “Coffee in the morning, tea when it was cold for-“  
Bucky’s breath caught.  
He blinked.  
“Steve...”  
It was the first time he remembered a _person_. Natasha barely dared to breath. Nina’s cupboard door cracked open a tiny sliver. Over by the table Olga folded her paper star one too many times.  
“He was blond....” Bucky said quietly and then shook himself out of it.  
Natasha was a little disappointed.  
Bucky brought his toast over to the island to join her, looking thoughtful. “I’m not sure if he was a really big guy or a really small one.”  
“You couldn’t tell?”  
“Not really...”  
“You should write it down.” Natasha reminded him.  
Bucky had taken to filling a notebook with all the small things that were coming back to him once he’d really started remembering.  
Bucky hummed in acknowledgment, his focus already on the grocery list Natasha had painstakingly written out and left on the counter. “We’re out of milk already?”  
Natasha shrugged. “Most of the girls have cereal for breakfast.”  
“Ah, that’ll do it. Maybe we should just get a cow...”  
Natasha wrinkled her nose. “Only if I don’t have to take care of it.”  
Bucky chuckled. “We’ll hold off on that then. Whose turn is it to come grocery shopping?”  
“Mine. Nadja went last time.”  
Jekaterina toddled into the room then, as per her own special brand of magic that must alert her whenever Bucky sat down. She clambered into his lap and promptly started stealing bites of his toast without breathing so much as a single word.  
“We’ll go after lunch then.” Bucky said, running a hand over Jekaterina’s hair fondly.  
Jekaterina munched away happily, content in the knowledge that Bucky would be staying put for the next hour.  
Natasha rolled her eyes and slid her book across the table at her pushover father.  
She was a merciful child, unlike Jekaterina.

  
...

  
Grocery shopping had become something of a big deal in their house, if only because each trip needed to be planned as if they were stockpiling to outlast a siege. It was an unavoidable side effect when your family consisted of thirteen overly active girls that burned through calories like pro athletes and one enhanced super soldier that went through the same amount all on his own. It was also the first exposure the girls had to life outside of the Red Room, and Bucky had quickly made the decision to only take one girl at a time in the name of nipping potential breakdowns in the bud.  
A year later the small town had lost a lot of its novelty and intimidation, and in turn their family had lost theirs in the eyes of the town. Not completely maybe, but the cashiers had given up their nosey questions months ago, and the one afternoon they'd spent at the town playground, Bucky patiently telling lies to all the gossiping mothers, had done wonders for the general suspicion surrounding a young man living in the woods with thirteen girls that were clearly not all blood related. ("Yes, they're all adopted. The orphanage burned down and left them on the street. The foster system wanted to separate them, I couldn't let that happen.")  
The forged documents on file at the police station hadn't hurt either.  
"Papa, the price isn't going to change just because you're glaring at it." Natasha pointed out from where she was patiently holding up two different brands of bread for his inspection.  
Bucky smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, baby girl. It's just....things used to be priced _reasonably_ , when I was young. I'm pretty sure anyway."  
"Now you sound _old_."  
Bucky winced and picked a bread at random. "I think I _am_ old."  
Natasha considered this and what she knew about cyrofreeze. "Probably."  
Bucky frowned, focusing back on the grocery list. "Grab three more of those, would you?"  
Natasha let him change the subject without comment. The town might be known to them now, but that didn't make it comfortable, especially for Bucky who always seemed that one step closer to the Winter Soldier in public. Definitely not the place to be contemplating his past.  
Natasha dumped the extra bread into the cart beside the six dozen eggs and slipped her hand into the hem of his jacket as a physical anchor for him to focus on. "So I was talking with the other girls last night, and Ludmilla, Tatiana, Nina, Yulia, and Jekaterina want to take ballet too. Jekaterina might be too young though, I don't know what age normal kids start taking ballet."  
If Bucky caught on to her distraction tactics he didn't say.  
"I think they start young..." He mused. "They just don't expect the same level of achievement you're used to."  
"I hope so, because Jekaterina will throw a fit if she isn't allowed to come."  
Bucky started to laugh and Natasha felt pride swell in her for all of a moment before he froze up, going from relaxed to combat stillness in a single breath.  
Natasha followed suit automatically, dropping her hand from his jacket so he could move if he needed to and grasping the switchblade in her pocket before she had even evaluated the threat.  
She hadn't registered the woman as a threat when she'd turned into the aisle and she still couldn't see it now.  
Which meant Bucky recognized her.  
The elderly women smiled politely, her red lips matching her handbag perfectly. Her floral blouse and pencil skirt were maybe a little higher quality then was commonly seen around town, and she held herself with a straight spine that could conceivably have been an indication of army training.  
"Sergeant Barnes. This is a surprise, I must say." She greeted calmly, as if they were neighbor's running into each other running errands.  
Natasha was pretty sure the woman was not here for groceries.  
Bucky didn't respond, but he did place a hand on Natasha's back, ready to grab her at a moment's notice.  
"You don't need to worry, I am alone. I simply wanted to verify your existence with my own eyes." The woman ran said eyes over Natasha with sharp curiosity and Bucky stiffened further until her eyes returned to him. "It's not everyday the dead come back to life."  
"What do you want?" Bucky rasped. It was not a good sound and Natasha forced herself not to look up at him. He had never sounded this shaky outside of their house before.  
"Do you not remember me?" The women asked, gaze calculating. "I'm Peggy Carter. We fought together in Germany."  
"I know who you are." Bucky countered. "And I want your organization to leave us alone."  
"I'm not here on behalf of Shield." The woman sighed, readjusting her stance into something pointedly not threatening. "I'm here because a friend I believed dead in the Alps is by some miracle alive-"  
"Am I in the system?" Bucky interrupted. He'd lost the shaky quality, to Natasha's utmost relief.  
Peggy considered him. "Aside from myself, only the agent who spotted you is aware of your existence, as it were. I wanted to keep the information to myself for the time being."  
"You will both _forget_ about me." Bucky's tone had gone as cold and still as the rest of him. "There will be no record in _any_ system."  
"Fine. You have my word. But I want to talk." Peggy insisted.  
Natasha felt the hand fisted in the back of her coat tighten even further.  
" _James_. Please, you know you can trust me."  
The tension held for another agonizing minute before Bucky took a breath and deliberately relaxed, dropping his hand from Natasha.  
"Alright." He said, very carefully. "But not now. I'll meet you at the bakery tomorrow ."  
Natasha noticed that he didn't specify a time and that he hadn't given Peggy any assurance that he wouldn't pack up and leave before then.  
But Peggy didn't ask.  
"Thank you." Was all she said, smiling and continuing down the aisle as another costumer strolled towards them.  
Natasha had learned patience a long time ago, but waiting until they were in their van with the entirety of their groceries to speak was more difficult then she'd ever admit.  
She didn't even have to ask in the end, because Bucky volunteered the information first.  
"I remember her in the war. She was...an SSR agent. A good woman. I...liked her, I think." Bucky tapped his leather clad fingers on the steering wheel. "I think she and Steve were..close? I don't-... Steve is still fuzzy, I..."  
"It's okay, papa." Natasha broke in. She squeezed closer to him on the bench, ignoring her seatbelt. "Just write it down when we get home."  
Bucky's eyes were distant and he didn't respond.  
"Papa? Do you trust her?"  
He reached one hand out to squeeze hers. "I trust her not to lie to me. But I don't know if that's the same as trusting her with you girls."  
Natasha didn't know what to say to that.

  
...

 

Bucky sat the girls down when they got back and recounted the entire situation to them without sugarcoating. He never withheld information from any of them, and Natasha thought that was the reason the other girls trusted him so explicitly.  
Then he sent them to unpack the groceries as if it was just another day.  
Natasha could see the routine settle the girls, even the older ones like Nadja and Ludmilla who were perfectly aware of what he was doing.  
And he had tried so hard to convince her he wouldn't be a good parent. Pah.  
For the rest of the day Bucky continued his campaign for normality, finishing the repairs on the porch, sparring with Evgenia and Nadja, puzzling with Irina, Raisa, and Dunja, reading books to Nina, Tatiana, and Elena, listening with rapt attention to one of Yulia's monologues about her stuffed toys, and teaching Ludmilla how to roast chicken for dinner while Jekaterina and Olga hung on his back and giggled.  
By the end of the day Natasha had concluded that Bucky was trying to distract himself just as much as the girls.  
She decided not to worry.  
Tomorrow was still far away.

  
...

 

The pale sunlight of dawn had somehow found its way into their room through a crack in the curtains Natasha had neglected the night before and it was enough to make her wince when she opened her eyes. She pushed herself up the bed to avoid it before turning over to see if Bucky was awake yet. He usually woke before her.  
"Papa?"  
Bucky lay perfectly still beside her, staring at the pale sunbeam creeping across their floor with unfocused eyes.  
Natasha frowned unhappily and leaned over to kiss his forehead. "Good morning, papa."  
Bucky didn't so much as blink.  
"I'll be right back, okay?"  
Natasha climbed out of bed and quietly opened the door, slipping into the hallway. The doors on either side were all painted a different color and she stopped to tap gently on the blue on.  
Nadja opened it a moment later.  
"Bad day?" She said upon seeing her.  
Natasha shrugged. "Yeah. Could you get the others up?"  
Nadja nodded and Ludmilla appeared from further in the room to join them.  
"I'll get breakfast." Ludmilla volunteered her. "Maybe not pancakes this time. The syrup didn't work out too well last week..."  
The three girls winced in shared memory.  
That taken care of Natasha returned to the bedroom, crawling under the covers and pressing herself close to the man who'd over the course of the last three years become her entire world. Bucky shifted his right arm to curl around her, the move so ingrained by this point that he didn't even need to be fully cognizant to recognize one of his adopted daughters.  
Over the next twenty minutes the other girls started filtering in, first Dunja and Jekaterina, and ending with Ludmilla and Nadja baring trays of scrambled eggs and bacon. They all clambered into the bed, shuffling and reshuffling themselves so as many of them could be touching Bucky as possible, Jekaterina draping herself over his chest like an overlarge cat.  
Someone, probably Evgenia, had found the remote for the tv that was only ever used on days like this and the familiar jingle of morning cartoons cheerfully joined the chatter that was quickly rising in the room.  
Bucky's bad days, as they called them, had started a couple months after they'd all traipsed across the world and settled in the old bed and breakfast. They were usually spurred by memories and were frequent enough that the girls no longer panicked.  
They rotated after breakfast, always keeping three or four of them plastered to Bucky while the others ran amok under one of the older girls watchful eyes.  
It wasn't like Bucky was comatose, he was just....lost in his head. At some point Natasha even convinced him to eat, so she was counting it as one of the better days.  
The clock ticked along and Natasha wondered if Agent Carter was waiting at the bakery and when she'd give up.  
".....what time is it?" Bucky slurred, interrupting her thoughts.  
Natasha, who had just come back from her turn watching the younger children, glanced at the clock while she reached for his glass of water.  
Tatiana beat her to a response. "Three fifteen!"  
"Three _sixteen_." Nina corrected importantly.  
" _Barely_!"  
Bucky blinked a little owlishly at them as he drank. "...thanks, girls."  
"You're welcome!" They chirped in unison.  
Natasha had dug out the remote while they argued and now she muted the tv to twin sighs of disappointment. Bucky had drained the glass of water and was now frowning into it, an expression she had no trouble recognizing.  
"Yes, you're very sorry, and we shouldn't have to deal with it, and you'll make it up to us." Natasha said before he could open his mouth, adding a heavy eye roll when he looked her way. "Seriously, papa, you need to stop apologizing. You wouldn't want to go native, would you?"  
That cracked a smile out of him. "Can't have that, eh?"  
Natasha, Nina, and Tatiana all groaned in unison, which only made Bucky grin wider.  
"Sorry." He said, sounding remarkably cheerful for someone who'd just spent the entire day in bed having a mental breakdown. He set aside his glass and started the process of extracting himself from the tangled disaster the girls had made out of the blankets over the last several hours.  
"Natasha, do you think you and Ludmilla can handle dinner?" He sounded all business now.  
"Sure, we'll just make spaghetti again."  
"There's no such thing as too much pasta." Bucky said, leaning down to kiss her forehead and then moving to do the same for Tatiana and Nina. "I'll be back soon. I've...probably kept Peggy waiting too long as it is."  
"We'll be fine, papa." Nina assured.  
Tatiana nodded along, but her mind was clearly on other things. "Will you bring desert from the bakery?"  
"Sure, why not?"  
"Pie?"  
"If they have any."  
Tatiana pumped her fist, something she'd seen in a cartoon and now mimed every time she could.  
Bucky turned to Natasha, smiling crookedly, and a little worriedly. "I'll call the others in before I go and arm the alarm system. You know what to do."  
Natasha nodded solemnly. "We'll see you soon, papa."  
While the other two turned the volume on the tv back up and lost themselves to the moving imagery, Natasha went to the window and watched Bucky as he drove away.  
She'd hoped Bucky would have a chance to tell them more about Agent Carter before he met with her, but that opportunity had been lost.  
She'd just have to be patient.  
Spiders were good at patient, and practice makes perfect after all.

  
...

 

Natasha and Ludmilla were finishing the dishes and humming along to Elvis when Bucky drove up the driveway. The alarm system beeped a string of notes to alert them and the thunderous sound of eleven pairs of feet promptly filled the house as the girls crashed into the living room to crowd around the security monitor.  
"It's papa!" Jekaterina cried.  
Natasha and Ludmilla joined tiny throng in time to see Agent Carter get out of the van after him.  
The girls exchanged looks in one synchronized move and then turned to Natasha, silently waiting for their cue. They might not be actively training for missions anymore, but the hierarchy they'd fallen into while with the Red Room had stuck.  
"...we should set out another portion of supper." She decided, for lack of any other ideas.  
They scattered, falling into an appearance of unconcerned normality as if they were _actually_ regular children and not would-be assassins strategically covering all exits. Natasha knew it wasn't necessary, but she didn't stop them either. They were nervous, and it made them feel better.  
Bucky didn't knock, just unlocked the door which was their all clear sign, which she had _expected_ , but maybe she was nervous too. They had never had a single other person in the house before, and clearly paranoia was an ailment they had all inherited from Bucky in spades.  
"I'm back." Bucky called, and the calmness in his tone relaxed her tense muscles like a string had been cut.  
"Papa!" Jekaterina shrieked, overcoming her nerves first and launching herself across the room like a very small, very determined, rocket.  
Bucky bent to scoop her up, and then just stayed crouched to field the flying tackles from Elena, Olga, and Raisa. "Hey, sweetpeas. How are my warrior princesses?"  
"Good!" Jekaterina said happily.  
"Great!" Raisa added.  
"We had _spaghetti_." Olga informed him with great delight.  
Elena stayed as quiet as a mouse, but she fisted her hands in his shirt with an expression of fierce intent, not willing to let him leave again.  
Spurred on, the other girls descended on him, though they at least had the decency to let him stand up before they started demanding attention.  
Agent Carter looked on from the doorway with barely concealed bafflement as Bucky accepted his hugs and doled out kisses with an infinite amount of patience.  
Natasha waited until the others had all been greeted before she snuck up and leaned into his side.  
"Hey, baby girl." He murmured and pressed a kiss to her forehead in the exact same spot he'd kissed before he left.  
Natasha pressed her smile into his jacket.

  
...

  
Apparently any civilian could look up Bucky.  
_That_ had been a revelation.  
Peggy had produced both a government file and an elementary school history book and gently told him his own story.  
Bucky didn't want to talk about Steve for a long time after that.  
Natasha never asked.  
Bucky also had a slip of paper with an address and phone number printed in Peggy’s hand. He kept it in his pocket and would take it out sometimes to fold open and closed, looking a little lost.  
Natasha didn’t ask about that either.

  
...

 

Peggy was the embodiment of poise and skill, and her age had clearly lent her the ability to take everything in stride with no more energy wasted then if she'd prepared a cup of tea. Which incidentally was her preferred method of dealing with new situations. Their kettle had never seen so much use before.  
"You should come by headquarters." She deposited this comment along with a cup of tea into Bucky's hands on her third visit.  
Bucky looked up from his laptop in consternation. "No."  
Natasha peeked over her book to watch curiously. Bucky and Peggy had a variation of this exact conversation every time she visited and so far Bucky had managed to hold out.  
"You would like the way it's run, sleeper agents aside."  
Bucky side eyed her as Peggy sat herself at the table and started sorting through the Hydra files he'd laid out.  
"No." He repeated and turned back to his keyboard.  
Peggy remained undaunted. "I know trustworthy engineers who would be able to look at your arm."  
"My arm doesn't need looking at. The girls are perfectly capable of performing maintenance. Evgenia." On the last word Bucky held his hand out without taking his eyes off the laptop screen in front of him.  
Evgenia, who'd been sneaking out of the kitchen, sighed and reluctantly handed over the knife she’d stashed under her shirt.  
"I'll get one from the training room..." She muttered long sufferingly.  
Peggy watched her go with one eyebrow raised. "Aren't you concerned about what she might get up to?"  
Bucky shrugged and inspected the paring knife Evgenia had swiped. "She knows her way around knives."  
"If you say so."  
Natasha hid a grin behind her book and decided not to tell Peggy abut the stash of weapons they regularly had to clear out from under Evgenia’s bed.  
Comfortable silence reigned for a few minutes as Bucky tapped at his keyboard and Peggy made notes in the margins of the files.  
"Clearing Shield of sleeper agents would go a lot faster if you helped-"  
" _No_ , Carter."  
Natasha bit her lip and very carefully didn't laugh at them.  
“Papa! Aunt Peggy!” Olga shrieked from outside. She stood at the kitchen window, palms and nose pressed against the glass. The window was too high for her to feasibly look through, and yet there she was. “Phil’s here!”  
“We’ll be right there, Olga.” Bucky smiled.  
Olga vanished with a crash and her muffled voice drifted up to them. “The flowers are okay, I promise!”  
Bucky sighed.  
Peggy laughed at him as she gathered the files into her briefcase. “I suppose I shouldn’t keep the boy waiting any longer.”  
_Boy_ , as if Phil Coulson wasn’t forty already.  
"How long do you plan on keeping Phil captive as your personal chauffeur? Do you not trust him to keep his silence if left alone?" Bucky asked as they left the house.  
Natasha followed them and took a leap off the porch step to jump onto Bucky's back.  
Bucky huffed over dramatically and grabbed her legs to make a big show of adjusting her weight, pretending he couldn't hear her giggles.  
"Oh, he is absolutely trustworthy, don't doubt that." Peggy answered with a smirk on her perfectly painted lips. "I've just grown rather fond of him; it's not everyday you find an agent with his brand of....potential."  
"Meaning you plan on bullying him around until he can go out and take over the world all on his own." Bucky said dryly.  
"Please, you make it sound so very terrible."  
Phil Coulson was waiting by a nondescript car in the driveway, enduring five of the younger girls pestering him about lord only knew what with a blank face.  
"Ma'am." He greeted placidly as they approached. "Sergeant Barnes, Miss Barnes."  
"If you can't manage Bucky, at least try James." Bucky all but begged.  
Phil nodded politely. "Of course, sir."  
Natasha liked Phil. He was so unflappable, even while he stubbornly refused to call one of his childhood heroes anything but his military title. It was hilarious.  
Natasha made sure to grin slowly with all her teeth at him even as she snuggled closer to Bucky.  
All she received for the intimidation act was a slow blink that hid his unease perfectly.  
Yep, he was great.  
"I'll contact you once I can report some actual results." Peggy said briskly, kissing Bucky on the cheek and stretching up to do the same for Natasha.  
"Bye Aunt Peggy!" The others called as they finally released Phil from their clutches so he could open the door for Peggy like a proper gentlemen.  
"I'll see you soon, girls." Peggy promised. "And James dear, I'm visiting the New York facility at the end of the month."  
Natasha couldn't see his face, but she knew Bucky was scowling dangerously. "Not happening."

  
...

  
The ballet studio was a plain brick building in the center of town. It wasn't particularly large, but then neither was the town's population. Still, it boasted a sizable student body and Natasha figured it would just have to do. The teacher didn't challenge them the way she was used to, true, but it made for a nice change even if it meant slower progress.  
Bucky was a lot calmer about this excursion then he had been about the shopping trip and Natasha watched with amusement as he grew progressively more relaxed as more children filtered in. It wasn't that he was _relaxed_ in the sense that he felt secure, so much as he was calm. His eyes had sharpened even as some of the tension bled from his shoulders and she had no doubt he was perfectly prepared to protect them from any possible scenario up to and including an alien invasion.  
Huh, aliens...wouldn't that be fun.  
Natasha made herself comfortable on the bench next to Bucky and Ludmilla, feeling content after her class and not at all out of breath. Across the hall Tatiana, Nina, and Yulia were happily outpacing the other children in their class while Jekaterina's groups warmed up on the mats off to the side.  
Bucky was not the only father waiting around, but he was certainly the most intimidating and his black on black leather ensemble had been garnering a few raised eyebrows.  
"So." Natasha started, as casual as she could manage. "What's wrong with Shield?"  
It was a topic Bucky had never really discussed, even now that he had remembered the majority of his past and was regularly, if kindly, accosted by Peggy.  
"Shield?" Bucky asked suspiciously. "What are you getting at?"  
"Well, it's just that you seem really against visiting no matter what Aunt Peggy says."  
"Yeah." Ludmilla piped up, because she was proving to be fantastic backup. "I've been curious too, why don't you want to see what Shield is like?"  
"Double teaming me, I see how it is." Bucky grumbled. "I suppose I should be glad Nadja isn't here."  
Natasha and Ludmilla had nothing to say to that. It was completely true and there was no denying Nadja was a horrible gossip.  
"It's not that there's anything _wrong_ with Shield." Bucky gave in. "But I'm not looking to...make a comeback or anything. And appearing at Shield, that would open a whole can of worms I don't want anything to do with. Peggy could control some of it, maybe, but they'd push."  
"For what?" Natasha asked.  
"I don't know. Revealing myself to the public? Joining Shield? Letting someone play around with-" Bucky gestured vaguely at himself. It wasn't clear if he meant his arm or his entire body.  
"Could they _really_ pressure you like that?" Ludmilla wanted to know, looking concerned.  
"Well, probably not." Bucky admitted. "But that's assuming none of Peggy's most trusted are actually Hydra."  
They paused in their conversation to acknowledge Jekaterina's stage whispered "Look at me!" from across the hall and wave back.  
"What about your arm? Maintenance is one thing, but wasn't Shield founded by Peggy _and_ Howard Stark? And wasn't Stark like, _good_ with technology?"  
" _Good_ with _technology_." Ludmilla whispered, horrified. "Natasha, I am ashamed to call you my sister. Howard Stark was an unparalleled genius and the father of modern technological advancement!"  
Knowing it would bug Ludmilla even further, Natasha pointed at her without looking and kept a bored face. "That."  
Ludmilla made an indistinct sound of outrage.  
"Yes," Bucky cut in quickly, "he was all that. And Shield would probably make several amazing additions to the arm and then start mass producing it."  
Natasha tilted her head and considered that. "Makes sense. But papa....that arm was put in by Hydra."  
Bucky heaved a sigh and ran one hand through his hair. It had grown out again, and he seemed intent to keep it that way.  
"I know." He said miserably. "I'm worried that there's something dangerous in it too."  
"Do you need to make up your mind right away?" Ludmilla asked tentatively. "Can't you visit first and then decide?"  
Bucky considered them with thoughtful eyes for a long moment. "It really means that much to you?"  
"We worry too, papa." Natasha told him softly. "We want to make sure you will be okay. Just like you make sure we are."  
Bucky smiled at them and reached out to wrap one arm around them both, squishing them into his side and ignoring their complaints. "I'll think about it."

  
...

 

The Shield facility in New York was a hub of activity, but even so most of the agents barely spared them a glancing threat assessment. It wasn't unusual to have people running around in undercover gear with hoods up and caps pulled low and apparently they hadn't lost their ability to completely hide their training because everyone seemed perfectly happy to dismiss them.  
Natasha tucked her smug smile into her grey hoodie, identical to Bucky's, and slumped her shoulders a little further. She'd won the privilege of accompanying Bucky through shamelessly abusing her status as the eldest sister and because Nadja and Ludmilla were of the opinion that, as the only one to have actually performed missions with Bucky before, she was the obvious choice. They were practical that way.  
"This is where I leave you. My meeting shouldn't last long." Peggy murmured quietly to avoided any unwanted attention. "Keep your passes on you and _stay out of trouble_."  
Bucky gave her a lazy salute which Natasha echoed in perfect mimicry.  
Peggy looked like she badly wanted to roll her eyes and was just barely refraining. She shook her head instead and marched off down the hall, displaying again more energy then someone her age should really posses. Natasha could see how she was able to pull off her involvement with Shield's inner workings despite having officially retired from the council years ago. She wondered how much grief that gave its current director.  
Bucky looked down at her. "Where to first?"  
Natasha considered. "The Engineering Devision is basically the whole reason we're here, right?"  
"If you asked Peggy I'm sure she'd have other ideas." Bucky said wryly. "Engineering it is."  
They followed a meandering path through the facility, keeping their heads down and stopping occasionally to stare at some of the frankly _ridiculous_ technology Shield kept about. Who needed a self driving tea tray and what use could a vending machine of that size possibly have? No wonder Peggy felt she needed to stay involved if this was the kind of thing they got up to without her.  
The Engineering Devision was a mad house in comparison to the obsessive order the rest of the building was kept in, labs full of half finished machinery and piles of metal crates stacked against the walls. The people working here were much more oblivious than the field agents they'd seen so far, content to keep their manic eyes on whatever was exploding at that moment. If Natasha wanted to take out Shield she'd start here. Sure, it was arguably the most protected area on the base, but once here you could deal some serious damage without much effort.  
They peered through observation windows and open doors, always moving along before anyone took notice of them. If any of the mad technicians were Hydra, Bucky didn't recognize them, or at least he didn't tense up anymore then he already was. Which was admittedly pretty tense.  
"Hey, papa." Natasha tugged at his sleeve. "I need the bathroom."  
Bucky's smile was grateful. "I think I saw a sign in the last hallway we passed."  
They backtracked, following signs down a hallway just off the labs that appeared to house offices. Shield didn't believe in anything not chrome and steel, evidently, and it was starting to get boring.  
Natasha took her time in the bathroom, giving Bucky a chance to collect himself where he'd locked himself into the separate handicap bathroom, but she still beat him out. She didn't worry though, he had ten more minutes before she got to that.  
The hallway wasn't particularly busy and there was only one man sitting on the couches nearby. It seemed to be a sort of receiving area for the offices across the hall, but the man was clearly trying to hide by wedging his body into the corner of one couch behind a sad looking fake plant. If he was a spy, he was an absolutely terrible one.  
Natasha was curious and there was still no sign off Bucky.  
She plopped herself on the opposite end of the couch and pulled out her pack of gum.  
The man looked at her askance over his phone. "What are you doing?"  
Natasha considered his slick suit and goatee as she chewed her gum. "Sitting."  
The man rolled his eyes. "Well, go sit somewhere else."  
"Why?" Natasha asked.  
The man wrinkled his nose. "Because I said so. Aren't you like, supposed to listen to adults?"  
Natasha feigned a thoughtful tone and then held out her pack of gum. "I know I'm not supposed to take candy from strangers."  
The man lowered his phone slowly and stared. "That is not funny."  
Natasha blew a bubble.  
“What are you even doing here? Are kids allowed in Shield? Are you a mini spy, is that what this is?”  
Natasha put her gum away and shrugged. “It’s take your kid to work day.”  
“What."  
Natasha leaned forward and whispered. "I want to be a _super spy_ one day."  
The man leaned away from her. "You're messing with me, aren't you? Why are you really here? Where are your parents?"  
Natasha straightened up and shrugged. "Bathroom. Why are you here?"  
"I have a _business_ meeting. You know, grown up stuff."  
"Then why are you hiding behind a plant?"  
"I am not hiding!" The man exclaimed, affronted. He cast the fake palm tree a betrayed look.  
Just then Bucky stepped back into the hall and spotted them. He froze where he stood, eyes locked on them.  
Natasha bounced up, hoping her alarm wasn't obvious.  
“If you really don't want to be found, you should try the janitor closet around the corner.” She tossed out quickly before darting across the hall to slip her hand into Bucky’s.  
Bucky ducked his head, fingers tightening around hers like a silent scream as he led them away at a barely socially acceptable speed.  
“Papa?” She whispered once they’d left the hallway behind.  
She could see his throat working before he answered. “That was Tony Stark.”  
Natasha racked her brain and oh hey, she did know that name.  
“Did I mess up?”  
Bucky glanced down at her briefly before his eyes went back to scanning their surroundings. “No, baby girl.”  
Some tight knot released in her stomach she hadn’t even realized was there.  
Bucky was oblivious, continuing in a halting voice. “I knew his father, and then I.....I killed him. I killed Tony's parents.”  
Howard Stark, Natasha’s mind filled in, weapons consultant during the war, often worked with the Howling Commandos, died in a car crash.  
Well.  
Apparently not that last one.

  
...

  
Needless to say, Bucky did not let Peggy call in any of her engineers. Peggy graciously dropped the topic, at least for the moment. Maybe she was satisfied that Bucky had at least considered the option or maybe she noticed how shaken he'd been coming out of Shield and put two and two together when Natasha started asking her questions about Tony Stark.  
Natasha knew her father well enough to know he'd let his guilt eat at him for the rest of his life unless he physically did something to appease it, so she methodically compiled everything she knew about Tony Stark into a folder that bore more then a passing resemblance to a mission briefing which was probably why Peggy let her get away with it. Peggy appreciated a well written mission briefing. Bucky never said anything about it and Natasha was pretty sure he’d stashed it under the bed so he could avoid looking at it.  
Tony Stark led a sad life, Natasha thought. Constantly throwing money into the void in the hopes of it netting him fulfillment. At least Bucky couldn't take the credit for that habit, because from what Peggy said Tony's parents hadn't done a particularly good job with him even while alive and whatever redeeming qualities the man might have could be firmly credited to his childhood butler.  
But what did she know, she was only a preteen.  
Natasha smiled to herself as she reassembled her rifle. Ludmilla had spent a solid week reworking paintballs for real guns and she was incredibly proud of the result.  
"Alright." Bucky called out and the girls quieted to listen. "Teams are as discussed last night. Remember that none critical shots turn lethal in five minutes unless you 'bandage' them." Here Bucky held up a pack of smiley faced stickers. "And each team only gets one sheet. Starting points are the same as last week. Got it?"  
The girls all nodded solemnly, practically vibrating with excited energy and Bucky failed to hide a grin. "Alright, you've got five minutes to get into position."  
No sooner had the words left his mouth then the girls were off like shots and Natasha could hear Bucky's laughter behind them.  
It was evening, not so late that they lost the light, but enough to make things a challenge between the trees.  
Natasha led her team consisting of Evgenia and Olga through the trees surrounding their home until they reached the creek and the bright yellow stone Olga had proudly painted. They didn't speak, having spent most of the previous night strategizing in excited whispers, but Olga was bouncing on her toes, never quite reaching the trained stillness Natasha and Evgenia managed.  
They didn't have to wait long for Bucky's sharp whistle to signal the start of the game.  
As far as games went, Capture the Flag was definitely the family favorite, made clear once again by the sheer ferocity the girls played with. In under half an hour Natasha's team had lost and regained their own flag, captured Nadja's, lost it to Dunja, and captured Ludmilla's.  
Evgenia was just starting to layout an idea involving a muddy ambush on Dunja's team when Natasha heard it.  
A black bird had taken flight maybe a hundred meters away, its wings a soft sound in the air, but....too quickly. It had been startled.  
Natasha threw her hand up and signaled quiet. Evgenia and Olga fell as silent as graves.  
Dunja's team was near the house, Natasha knew, and Ludmilla would be focusing on regrouping near the creek for at least another five minutes. Nadja was staking out the thicket. No one could have circled around them to startle that bird in so short a time frame except for Bucky, and Bucky never left his station on the front porch during games.  
"Olga." Natasha murmured under the rustling leaves. "Go find Bucky and tell him it's a code grey. Evgenia, set the perimeter."  
The perimeter consisted of a vary nasty trap system Bucky usually kept disabled for fear one of the girls would stumble into it by accident, despite their training, and it could be engaged at four different points around the property and inside the house.  
Olga eyes widened and she crept away, quieter then Natasha had ever heard her, Evgenia on her heels. Neither one questioned Natasha's orders.  
Natasha carefully replaced her paint clip with live ammo and climbed one of the trees, settling along a branch and bracing her rifle. She wasn't as good at sniping as Bucky, wasn't even as interested in it as Raisa, but she could make do.  
Natasha breathed in the way Bucky had taught her and on her exhale she spotted the man.  
He was dressed in camouflage and kept one hand on his radio as he crept through the trees. Natasha bit her lip and kept her finger still on the trigger as he neared. He could be alone, but what if he wasn't? She needed to know.  
The man was nearly beneath her when the other two finally appeared. Standard scout team, fourth member probably stationed in a vehicle along the road.  
Natasha's finger tightened fractionally on the trigger. If she fired, she'd be immediately pinpointed by the remaining two and she wasn't good enough to try for all three before they shot her out of her perch. But she couldn't let them pass her either, not when she didn't know if Evgenia had set the perimeter yet.  
She was saved by Bucky.  
She was always saved by Bucky.  
He broke out of the trees like a storm for all the silence in which he'd approached, knife slamming home into the front scout before the man had a chance to do more then twitch in surprise. Natasha put a bullet in the second man's chest as Bucky whirled and smoothly gutted the third while ducking the return fire.  
Bucky kicked the toppling body aside and rounded on Natasha. "Tell me your okay."  
Natasha dropped down to the ground and buried her face in his plaid shirt. "I'm okay."  
Bucky released a slow controlled breath and ran the hand not gripping his knife lightly over her hair, thumb landing on the back of her neck and rubbing gently. "Call Peggy. I'm going to find the last one."  
Natasha nodded and pulled back, handing over her rifle in exchange for the knife without needing to be asked.  
Thanks, miscellaneous operatives, for ruining game night.

  
...

 

It was past 1am and Natasha crouched at the top of the stairs, regulating her breathing until she could hear the conversation in the kitchen. It had taken hours before anyone had been ready for bed and even now Natasha could hear her sisters shifting under their sheets.  
"I can't do this Peggy, I can't live my entire life waiting for this to happen again." Bucky's voice was tired and hoarse. "I don't care how you do it, but you need to clear Shield faster."  
"I want that as much as you do James, but that is precisely why I am asking you to _help_."  
The light leaking from the kitchen was dim and golden, comforting for all the severity of the conversation.  
"You don't get it, Peggy." Bucky said, low and plaintive. "There will always be people like Hydra, it's just the way of the world. You can start something good and maybe for a while, it _will_ be good, maybe even for a long while. But people will come along and it'll all start again. We can't save the world by fighting. And after, you'd want me to keep fighting."  
Peggy was quite for a moment, clearly collecting her thoughts. Natasha imagined she'd be pursing her lips ever so slightly and turning her teacup. "And when the next war hits? When those people you're talking about show up and throw bombs at our children, someone will need to stop them. To _fight_ them."  
"Yes. But that person won't be me."  
"And where will you be? Will you hide? Will you close your eyes and ignore what you could have stopped?"  
"I will be right here. Raising my children. And after the fight, I'll be down on the ground picking up the pieces. There's never enough people picking up the pieces."  
Silence filled the house again for a long time.  
"I'm done, Peggy, I've had enough." Bucky insisted again.  
"I suppose I cannot fault you." Peggy sighed. "Very well, I will learn my lesson and stop harassing you."  
"You never harassed me, Peg."  
Peggy chuckled. "You are too kind, and I, perhaps, am too old to keep playing at government agent. It's probably for the best."  
It was a clear dismissal of the topic and Bucky let it drop.  
"Do you want to stay the night? Natasha's room is free."  
"Thank you, but no. I'll sleep better in my own bed, even if it means I sleep less."  
Natasha slunk back into the shadows while Bucky walked Peggy to the door and waited until she heard the car drive away before following the soft sounds of dishes clinking.  
Bucky didn't even pretend to be surprised to see her, just poured an extra mug of Peggy's tea. His smile had exhausted lines around the edges.  
"We're not going to sleep tonight, are we?"  
Natasha shrugged and shoved her chair up against his so she could snuggle in close. It was his left side, so not particularly comfortable, but good enough. The tea was cool, but she drank it anyway to occupy her mouth until the words fit right.  
"Papa, would you be angry if I wanted to join Shield?"  
Bucky breathed in slowly and wrapped his arm around her. "No. No I wouldn't be, baby girl."  
Natasha tried to puzzle out the emotion he was displaying. "But you'd be...sad."  
"I'd be proud." Bucky corrected, turning his face into her hair so she couldn't see his expression anymore. "And a little scared, and very worried. But that's your decision to make, Natasha. Not mine."  
Natasha twisted around until she could reach the back of his neck. Her hand was really too small to copy the move properly.  
"Thank you, papa."  
Bucky smiled against her temple. "But not until you're sixteen."  
"Twelve." Natasha countered.  
"Absolutely not."  
"Thirteen?"  
"We can discuss _fourteen_."  
" _Fine_." Natasha huffed, but she was grinning.

  
...

 

The next evening Bucky retrieved her dossier on Tony Stark and set it on his desk, ready to read.  
Then he pulled out the slip of paper from Peggy, so wrinkled by frequent handling that the writing was nearly illegible, and dialed the number.  
Natasha and Nadja eavesdropped outside the bedroom as the line rang once, twice, three times before connecting.  
Bucky cleared his throat.  
"Hi Becca."

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really looking forward to part three! (We will finally be catching up with the movies timeline.) Spoiler, it's not from Natasha's POV! Gasp! Anyone want to hazard a guess as to our next narrator?


End file.
